The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex index partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .

But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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